the four right chords can make me cry

a nice contented people-filled life is inimical to well-written posts.

positive association : negative association

brown. the overwhelming impression of the stairs at old adm is brown. but not a bad thing. a happy kind of brown. comforting and familiar. very evocative. no, redolent.

hanging out in the reading room with godwin berwine pema and huihui. best place to be on a friday morning/afternoon. happy.

frustration and failure most irrational, most uncontrollable. sitting in the line at kampong uni test centre, waiting to update my pdl. just sitting there and thinking about failing made me want to cry. i positively hate driving now. going round and round those same roads makes me sick. i don't think i've ever loathed anything up till now. (except maybe those soul crushing days of chinese tuition). this is ridiculous, i tell myself, as i wrestle with frustration and tears. i'm suddenly angry at everything.

physical surroundings and the emotions i have written into them.

its like a ball of red wool, pulled in all the wrong directions, with lose threads carelessly cut and hanging everywhere. to me it's hopelessly tangled. sometimes i tell myself i dont care. sometimes i begin to pick at it with great determination. but maybe it looks different to you? maybe the tangle is all at my end of the string, maybe your end is all sorted out. i feel you've abandoned it, whatever the case. maybe i should too.

so you see? things are not as you think they are. please don't assume and read details into my life that are not there.

this is clarity: not to see yourself larger than you are, but not to see yourself smaller than you really are either. so don't be mistaken.

it's never so simple.
it has never been so simple.

posted by beckyboo @ 8:14 PM